Call 1-900-Claude Frollo


Part One: The Set-Up

"Fascinating publication", Claude Frollo said as he leafed through the local alternative newspaper. He dropped by unexpectedly, and since I had nothing special planned on this cold, rainy Saturday, I was more than pleased to enjoy his company.
We had just finished a nice lunch and watched an old Western on my television (yes, I had to explain the wonders of TV; it wasn't easy). "I never miss an issue", I replied, "it's a nice alternative to our mainstream paper."
I watched his expression as he scanned an editorial trashing the state legislature. Claude chuckled good-humoredly as he continued to read the editor's tirades on "the worst state legislature in America".
"You do realize that such talk would've earned this man a little vacation in my dungeons", Claude Frollo laughingly said. I looked at him and explained that in 20th Century America, it is common to take pot-shots at elected officials. "Baby, even entertainers poke fun at politicians. Why, even politicians rail away at each other."
Claude just sighed and turned the page; I guess he'll never quite understand life in the 20th Century, but he tries, and that pleases me.

He continued to flip through the little paper, then his eyes widened in shock; he quickly sprang to his feet, and, in an outraged voice said, "WHAT?"
I didn't know what came over him; I asked him, "Claude? What's the matter?" Claude Frollo glared at me, then tossed the paper in my lap. He stood before me and said, "How dare they print such garbage! My love, of all people, how could you bring such a rag into your home?"

My eyes quickly scanned the offending page; I tried not to laugh, for the entire page advertised those "900" phone numbers.
"Claude, honey", I began, trying to hide my amusement, "these are passion-by-phone services. How can I explain it...Baby, I don't patronize this junk!" Claude's face still registered his disapproval.

Honestly, with all he does...all his ladies...he's got his nerve...playing 'morally outraged'...

Claude must've sensed my thoughts, for he softened his tone, then he said,"Do you mean to say that some actually pay for this...just to hear someone...er...speak of passion?"
"Oh yes", I replied. "Take one poor, lonely guy. He hasn't had a date in months...years." Claude then started chuckling as I continued to explain. "Then he's at home alone on Saturday night; he needs someone to talk to, so he calls 1-900-something and...voila! A fantasy date is born." Claude, now fully amused, asked, "And exactly who's on the other end? One of these voluptuous ladies?" He pointed out a picture of a twenty-something blonde, with her size-20 cleavage spilling out of her size-7 top.
"That's who he thinks is on the other end", I said between giggles, "when in all likelihood, the sexy female voice belongs to a fiftyish, frumpy spinster who's just trying to earn a little pocket change."
Claude Frollo just shook his head and sighed, "I'll never quite understand your 20th Century." Then he added, "I'm confident that you don't indulge in this mindless activity."
I stared at him with mock amazement. "Claude Frollo, I have better things to do with my time...and my money. Besides, why would I want to talk to some strange man for comfort and excitement? I got a good thing going on right here." And with that, I got up and embraced Claude; I raised my face to be kissed. Claude softly laughed, then kissed my lips.
"Well, enough of this", he said; Claude continued to kiss me and hold me close.
Mmmm...feels so good to hold him...I really love this man...
Suddenly Claude asked, "Do women make those...ahem...calls?"
"I thought you didn't want to discuss this anymore", I said.
"Just curious", he replied. I lightly traced his fine, angular features and said, "If they do, they're mighty lonely women...hmmm...or maybe just out of curiosity." I looked at him quizzically, but said nothing.

*******

Later that evening, as I prepared to go out with Claude, I heard him on the telephone.

Claude Frollo's using MY phone? Why? WHO is he calling? He's never used the phone before...

"Ready to go, my darling?", Claude asked, smiling broadly. We decided to take in a play then a late-night supper downtown. "Why were you on the phone, Claude?", I asked apprehensively.
Claude Frollo kept smiling as he quickly replied, "Oh...just a surprise for a special lady." He then took me in his arms and kissed me. I couldn't help but feel uneasy; Claude's always been very upfront with me, especially after that summer, when he revealed all those secrets...
Claude looked at me with loving eyes and sweetly said, "My love, don't worry! You know I would never do anything to hurt you!" He kissed me again, saying, "Now, I wish to discuss this no more, for I am looking forward to a pleasant evening with you, my sweetness." When Claude Frollo kisses like that, smiles like that, and talks like that...

We had a pleasant evening; but, in the back of my mind, I kept wondering what Claude Frollo was up to. Then he wouldn't tell me until after the deed was done. I had to learn that from some poor guy while shopping at Wal-Mart.

Exactly WHAT does His Grace have up his sleeve? Go directly to Part 2!

Copyrightę1997 by FrolloFreak FSM #14


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